Tips for Talking to Aging Parents
Quite often families come to us asking advice on how to sit down with their parents or loved ones to discuss legal, financial and care issues. We understand that it is hard to face the fact that the people who took care of us are getting older and may need assistance in decision making and caring for themselves. Below are tips which provide communication strategies and considerations for these important discussions and may help in opening a dialogue with a loved one.
Each family is unique and not every conversation will be easy. Keeping in mind you are looking out for their best interest, this discussion will be coming from a loving place.
- Start the discussion early. Do not wait until an emergency situation. While your parents are in good health use this opportunity to research different options.
- Include other family members. Ensure that the views of all parties are aligned and bring siblings and other loved ones in for support.
- Explain the purpose of the conversation. Let your parents know that you are concerned about them and you want to do the right thing for them as they age. This will help them better understand why you are bringing up sensitive issues.
- Understand your parents’ need to control their own lives. It is important to remember that your parents have the right to make their own decisions. You may be faced with balancing their independence and safety, but try not to take away their sense of control.
- Agree to disagree. While you may feel your answers are right, your parents may disagree with you or each other. Try to stick to their wishes as long as their health and safety are not compromised.
- Use good communication skills. Try offering options and not advice. Use open ended questions. Listen to what your parents are saying and ask for their ideas. A decision may not be made over night, this is a process.
- Ask about records and documentation. Know where your parents keep important documents such as:
- insurance policies
- wills
- living wills
- trust documents
- tax returns
- investment and banking records
- Provide information. Act as a resource to your parents. Research different living arrangements, understand the difference between retirement living and long term care. Look into different legal and financial options. This may help to open dialogue.
- Re-Evaluate. If conversations are not going as you thought they would try and assess why; maybe you’re not coming across how you think you are. Look at speaking with a geriatric assessor, a financial planner or a lawyer to offer expert advice. Please speak with our Director of Care or Marketing Managers for further suggestions.
- MOST IMPORTANT Treat Your Parents with Respect. Your parents have lived and learned. With aging comes loss – of loved ones, independence, health – treat them with love and respect and assure them you are there for them as they age.
At the Royal Henley we are here to answer your questions and provide resources to assist with this process.